October 2011
I’ve been away at college for
a few months now. I haven’t driven my car or any car in that long, and even
riding in a car is beginning to feel strange to me. However, this weekend I’m
going back to Berlin. Tom doesn’t know. Mom doesn’t know. Although I considered
telling her, when she came up to River Falls the previous weekend with Sam for
my 19th birthday. I can’t keep myself from grinning as my ride drops
me off at Berlin’s Kwik Trip. I call my
friend Carlson and ask her to take me out to my house, but I just want her to
drop me off at the end of the street. So I’ll be a lone stranger walking up to
the door. I have my sword umbrella open concealing my face as I walk down the
long country street. There is someone outside stoking a campfire, but no one
seems to be inside the house.
“Hello,” I say trying to make
my voice sound deep and gruff. I can’t see the look on my brother’s face
through the umbrella and the dark, but when I pull the umbrella away I see he’s
holding the stir stick like a weapon, ready to fight like we used to when we
were kids.
“Anthony?” he asks in shock as
I say “yeah.”
His hardened expression drops
with his stir stick, and he walks forward giving me a big hug. “What are you
doing here?” he asks as I tell him how I got here.
“Is mom home?” I ask.
“No, but she should be off
work soon,” he says as a devious smile creeps across his face. “We need to
surprise her too,” he says as we walk to the house.
When I get inside the door,
Sammy is beside herself. She always barks when we get home, it’s her way of
saying “You’re back! It’s so good to see you!” However, this time, for the
first time, she was crying in between her barks. I’d never seen her so excited
before in my life. She missed me and I was home and she was so very happy that
she couldn’t help but cry. I instantly rolled on the floor petting and playing
with her as she gradually calmed down.
“Tom, I’ve got an idea,” I say
with a now thrilled Sammy lying next to me. She’s gnawing on her latest chewy
bone and her tail can’t stop wagging.
---
A few minutes later, I’m
sitting on Tom’s bed in my old room reading. Sammy scratches at the door to get
inside, but I ignore her. Mom will be home any minute. Some time passes, and
Tom goes back outside to put out his campfire. When mom’s car rolls up, Sam
begins barking and Tom walks back into the house.
Mom greets Tom and an excited
Sam as the two of them go onto the couch to talk about their days. After the
excitement of mom being home had worn off, Sam returns to scratching at the door
to my former bedroom.
“What’s her deal?” I hear Tom
provoke Mom.
“Sam,” Mom says as the
scratching momentarily stops. “What do you want?”
She continues trying to get
in. I’ve begun to start making noises to keep her interested in the room. “I
bet she just misses Anthony,” Tom says.
“I guess that makes sense. We
did just see him last weekend,” Mom says to him. “Sammy, Anthony’s not here.”
This is the moment I’ve been
waiting for. I open the door, and walk into the living room with mock
indignation on my face as I say, “Yeah I am.”
Mom is speechless for a
moment, her eyes wide in shock, before she runs up to me and catches me in a
tight embrace. It’s so very good to be here.
---
But the house is different. The
furniture has been moved, and I no longer have a room, and there’s only a
half-gallon of milk in the fridge because I was the only one who really drank
milk. It’s not my house any more. I don’t live here, and Sammy is no longer my
dog. She’s developed a much closer bond with my mother and brother in my
absence. I feel like I’ve been replaced, as absent as the other half-gallon of
milk. There is a part of me that knows I’m being over dramatic, but that part
of me is meek and chooses not to speak up.
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